I’ve been thinking about how much time women (including me) spend getting ready. Not just in the obvious way of putting on makeup, doing our hair, or picking out an outfit. I mean the entire ecosystem of preparation that surrounds our bodies now more than ever. The routines, the supplements, the gut health, the skincare cycles, the pilates classes, the green powders, the sleep tracking, the endless small adjustments that are supposed to make us better versions of ourselves.
I really hope this doesn’t sound basic, overdone, or shallow. Sometimes I feel like I go in circles trying to explain what I mean. But I hope I actually get there this time, because I think this is really important and something we should all keep a little more present in our minds.
Back to my original point, the strangest part is that all of it actually does feel productive. Like we’re doing something important. Essential, even.
You wake up early, drink the thing that’s supposed to reduce inflammation, take the supplements that support your hormones, make the breakfast that won’t spike your blood sugar, go to the workout class that lengthens instead of bulks, follow the skincare routine that repairs your barrier, track your sleep, monitor your stress levels, try to keep your nervous system regulated.
On paper it all sounds incredibly responsible. Even healthy. I guess. Which is great. Right? We love being extremely balanced, extremely regulated, very optimized women.
But I really think we should stop kidding ourselves and pretending we do all of this purely for our health. We are not motivated by health. A lot of these practices we feel the need to incorporate into our lives are motivated by appearance.
There’s a reason why all the people pushing these supplements, recipes, and routines never fail to mention the physical effect of whatever they’re trying to sell you. If you heal your gut, your stomach will be flatter. If you lower your cortisol, your face will look more defined.
If we weren’t promised the physical upgrade, we probably wouldn’t feel the same urge to run out and buy these products or start following these rules. I feel like this is kind of super obvious, but we, as it often happens, don’t want to face the truth. A lot of what gets marketed to women as wellness is just toxic beauty culture with a lab coat.
The real issue isn’t any single routine or habit. None of these things are inherently bad. Being healthy is good. Feeling good in your body is good. I personally love getting ready in the morning. I like doing my hair, putting on something that makes me feel cool and comfortable, and starting the day feeling a little more put together. That’s totally fine. The problem starts when we stop noticing how much time and energy the entire system quietly consumes.
When you take a step back, it starts to look like we’re all constantly preparing ourselves for something. Constantly refining ourselves, optimizing ourselves, and becoming the version of ourselves that will finally feel confident enough, disciplined enough, healthy enough, good enough?
News flash!!!! That version will never come. The finish line always seems to be slightly in the future. Once your skin clears up, once your routine stays consistent, once you lose a few pounds, once you fix your gut, once you get more disciplined. Then you’ll feel ready. Then you’ll feel good. Then you’ll really live your life.
And the huge massive problem with that mindset is that the finish line will always keep moving, and you will never reach it. There will always be another habit you’re not doing, another supplement you’re not taking, another routine that promises to fix something you didn’t even realize was wrong five minutes ago.
And suddenly you realize years of your life have passed in this strange state of preparation. I don’t know, like you’re polishing the instrument but never actually playing the music? I’m not a band kid, I don’t know why I used that analogy. I think you know what I mean though.
And of course, women are especially vulnerable to this trap because so much of our value has historically and so persistently been attached to how we look. Even when we intellectually reject that idea, it still lingers somewhere in the background. So we optimize ourselves. Constantly refining, improving, preparing. But what are we preparing for, really?
Because the point of taking care of yourself isn’t to become the most optimized version of a person doing nothing but routines on repeat. The point is to go live your life!!!!!!! To build things, learn things, have interesting conversations, have real and profound human connections, to make something that exists outside of your own body.
Unfortunately it feels like that part is quietly disappearing. It feels like we are spending more time maintaining ourselves than actually doing anything with the person we’re maintaining. Do you know what I mean? Because this is such a weird — and frankly, wasteful — way to spend a life.
Getting ready is not the problem. There is nothing wrong with wanting to feel good in your body. That’s important. And makeup, hair, fashion — those are forms of art and self-expression, and they can be beautiful and deeply enjoyable things. I am not saying to abandon them.There is also nothing wrong with having your routines or the little rituals that make you feel happier or more grounded before the day starts.
But getting ready is supposed to be the beginning of your day, not the entire point of it. Otherwise we might wake up one day and realize we spent our entire lives preparing for a life we never actually went out and lived.
I don’t know I am feeling weirdly self-conscious about this one??? I don’t really like it ew. It’s fine I think. Posting it anyway!!!!